Acceptance..
On this page:
At certain times in our lives we find ourselves
having trouble moving on, getting over or forgiving. Each of these three
problems require a level of acceptance, in order to move forward in our
lives.
When we have trouble accepting something; it is because things are not
how we want them to be.
Our ego, our driving force, is enraged.
Enraged, because we want things a certain way. Any other way, simply won't do. It's
almost like a small child within you shouting "NO!", and whilst you don't
normally physically act like a child and stamp your feet. When you have trouble
accepting something you still get angry inside.
It is important that you understand that it is your 'life blood' or
'driving force' or 'Ego', that is struggling with accepting, those things
which you know you have to accept.
Accepting, is quite simply calming your Ego.
Clarifying what you can't accept.
The first thing to reveal to yourself is
WHY you can't accept something. This starts by allowing yourself to define exactly, to yourself, what
the situation is and what your 'problem' is with it.
Write down exactly what the problem is. Try to be
as short and definitive as possible, in other words try not to embellish
beyond the real problem, try to sum up the problem exactly within a few
sentences. This may take some time to do, however it is worthwhile taking
the time to get it right.
What are you feeling in regards to
the issue?
- Jealousy
- Defeat
-
Guilt
-
Anger
- Let down
- Do you feel like a failure
- Did you
expect better
- Did you expect more
- Did someone else take your glory
or control
- Are you resisting
change?
Very often we don't actually sit down and think
about what the real problem is. We just instinctively know that we don't
like what we see. We simply allow ourselves to feel the anger or
annoyance, throwing blame around without actually fully understanding
why we are feeling the way that we feel.
By clarifying exactly WHY you can't accept
something, you can take steps forward to logically accepting it. Or at the
very least, accommodating it.
Ultimately the goal IS to find a complete
acceptance, but this isn't always possible or easy; as it would involve
a deeper understanding of, why you do the things you do and why you feel
the way you do about certain things.
Accepting someone else's decision.
Is hard.. really, and if you are facing a
problem or dilemma over another person's choices it is really important
that you acknowledge that resolution within you is going to be a hard
process for you.
Hard, but not impossible.
It's hard
to accept someone else's decision, be it in relation to work, family or
relationships. So don't feel bad that you are having difficulty.
No matter who that person is, a
friend, sibling, child, partner, colleague. If someone does something, or
wants to do something which you feel is wrong. All you want to do is shout
NO! All you want to do is stop them from making mistakes, or to stop them
from hurting you.
The first step is to tell yourself
that THEIR decision is really none of YOUR business. (providing of course
they are adults!). Here's the thing.... the hard line approach;
...It's THEIR decision. It is their life and
their decision.
They are totally different from you -
but their base goal of happiness is the same as yours. They are doing as
they see best to seek out their happiness. THEIR happiness. NOT yours.
Your perception is that they have made
the wrong decision. But it is NOT their perception. By all means, you can
try to talk to them, to make them see things from your perspective, but you
shouldn't bully them into your way of thinking. They will do what they feel
is best.. No one, not even YOU would make a decision to intentionally cause
pain in your life.
They are responsible for their own
life path, in turn you are responsible for yours.
You may feel as though you know what is
best for them, but if they have made a sound decision based entirely on how
they feel, then they have made the right choice for them.
If they have made a choice not based on
strong foundations (or based on you or other people), that choice may or may
not falter of it's own accord in time.
Sometimes we have to step down and
stop trying to
control other people.
Finding a way to discuss the
situation..
If you are concerned about their
happiness, you can try to talk to them, but be sure that when you
address them that you explain how YOU feel about things and also explain
that you understand they will do what is right for them; yet you feel
you need to say these things.
Try not to raise your voice, try not to
get angry. Be clear, be real and above all listen to their views about
why they want to do what they want to do.
Remember, the person in question has not made the
decision to cause unhappiness in their life.
They have made the decision to
find more happiness in their life.
Whether we're talking about money, work,
love... they've done what they need to do to be happy.
Neither have they made their
decision to deliberately screw up your life. It's YOUR choice to think
that their decision affects you personally.
However, IF their decision means changes to YOUR lifestyle, you need to
look at WHY you don't want your lifestyle to change.
Change is the only constant thing.
One day, you'll look back and see
that the ricochet of changes as a result of their decision worked out in
the best possible way for you too...
It's your choice how you perceive it
today.
Accepting events outside of your control
We all, in a way, get what we want. I get
questioned on this a lot. But if we subject ourselves to certain situations
and certain people, we are in affect lining ourselves up for particular
events.
However, some things appear to be outside of our control. I'm not
talking about other peoples decisions. I'm talking about everything from
transport delays to death, everything has a reason.. and it may not
necessarily be about YOU.
If you are delayed, it could be for someone else's
reason. When the timing is right, there will be no errors.
When things occur seemingly outside
of our control, we get frustrated, angry, impatient... see it as a
lesson... if you usually get frustrated if the bus is late, try to NOT get
frustrated next time. If you usually get impatient in a queue, remind
yourself there's no real hurry. Just give yourself a few minutes to relax
and observe the scenes around you.
- Everything occurs at the right time.
Even delays.
- Everything is as it should be.
- Everything holds some kind of
meaning to you in your life.
- Everything always inevitably,
works out for the best - no matter how long it may seem to take.
Accepting yourself.
You are unique. You are you - there's no
one else exactly the same as you are. If you can not accept yourself as you
are, then you have to know exactly what you want to be and be committed into
transforming yourself (and it won't happen overnight).
YOU can change what you can't accept about
yourself. I'm not talking cosmetic surgery - I'm talking about your mental
attitude.
You are as strong as you want to be.
Be who you want to be.
If you are having trouble accepting
something about yourself, you need to stand up and remember that ONLY you
are responsible for your life. If you allow others to influence you, that
was YOUR choice. If you always base your choices on what you feel then you
will never have any problem in accepting things YOU have done.
Learn from what you have done and
KNOW you will not repeat the mistake. We learn more from our failures than
of our successes. So acknowledge that you have learnt, and move on.
Further Reading at Inner Truth
