"you are blaming them for not
being you"
You are blaming them for all the
things you like and don't like.
When you blame yourself, you are in
denial. You are denying that you did your best, that you did as you
thought was best given the information you had.
Blame means a non acceptance of
someone or some situation.
I blame someone else...
We blame other people for lots of
things, even on a daily basis. We blame people for doing things, or for
not doing things... we blame people for thinking too much, or for not
thinking at all..
They are not you.
Do not expect any one
to act, think or do exactly as you would.
When you blame
someone for something, all you are pointing out is that you have an
intolerance for something.
Be that an opinion, a behavioural trait, or
simply; for who they are.
How can you blame someone for doing
what they thought was right ?
It's rare people do things knowing they are
wrong, and when they do - there is usually a secondary reason for it.. For
example, if someone intentionally tells a secret, knowing it will hurt -
they have done so for THEIR reasons. And then you would need to ask
yourself WHY you wanted it to remain a secret. (Things are always better
out in the open).
How can you blame someone for
being themselves?
Does it simply boil down to a feeling of jealousy or inadequacy that you
are not them? or is it that you are angry that they aren't like you?
Are you are blaming someone for doing or
not doing something how YOU would do it ?
When you blame someone else you are
taking away any acceptance of them as a person.
We also blame people for things when
we feel
angry, resentment, impatience...
To remove blaming other people, Look at the triggers and WHY you
feel the need to blame...
- Did they mess up something
important?
- Did they delay things?
- Did they embarrass you?
- Did they humiliate you?
- Did they make you
angry?
- Did they make you feel
ashamed?
- Did they make you feel
guilt?
It's far easier to blame other
people than to look at the triggers. We don't like to admit we feel guilty
or humiliated, we don't like our secrets to be hung out like dirty
laundry.
We don't like to let other people
down; and thus when we do, we blame others along the way...
Things happen in life and the only
way to abolish blame is to seek acceptance.
Does it matter in the long run
anyway?
If someone has done wrong because
they didn't know any better, then they will have learnt.
It would help to talk to the person
in question, explain how YOU feel and find out how THEY feel about it too.
Open and Honest communication (without raised voices and without finger
pointing) can clear up many a difficult situation.
Address things such as WHY they did
what they did, HOW they felt about it, WHY you feel the way you do, WHY it
matters to you and then look at ways you may be able to accept what has
happened. To move forward, to find a solution which works for everyone;
not just for you. Listen to what they have to say and if you can't
understand, you need to ask a different set of questions to seek that
understanding which is so ardently needed.
If talking to the person is out of
the question, and if writing a letter is out of the window too; then you
will have to seek a way to accept that you don't have all the information;
and that it is wrong to blame someone else for something without giving
them the opportunity to explain their actions.
Sometimes all we want or need is an
apology, sometimes (even though you may not feel like giving it),
sometimes the other person may need an apology from you.
It's wrong to try to make anyone
feel guilty.
I blame myself...
Blame and guilt come hand in hand.
Sometimes we feel that saying Sorry isn't enough. We instead hang on to
what we did wrong.
By hanging on to it we punish
ourselves.
I didn't mean to make you feel sad,
I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't mean to make you late, I'm to blame
your clothes aren't washed/ironed. I'm to blame for forgetting... the list
goes on...
How can
you blame yourself when you've only done as much as
you felt you could at the time ... let it go ...
understand and you'll find forgiveness.
Taking the blame on your own
shoulders means you are failing to accept that you are who you are, and
that you are doing the best you can possibly do.
If you didn't know what was
occurring,
if you tried your best with the information and thoughts you had at the
time, then WHO can possibly blame you; and why do you blame yourself?
- I should have tried harder
- I should have known better
- I should have seen it coming
- I should have made more of an
effort
- I should have said something
sooner
- I should have done something
sooner
- I shouldn't have trusted
- I shouldn't have cared
- I shouldn't have listened
- I shouldn't have done that
Ok, so there's a lot of things we
SHOULD and shouldn't do. But with hindsight, you have to recognise that IF
you were to step back in time, there ARE things you would have done
differently.
But you can't.
You only know what you know now
because you have NOW lived it. NOW you have the experience you would and
will do things differently. Back then, you didn't have the worldly wisdom
which you now have. You have learnt.
Next time, you'll know better.
You can remove the blame that you punish
yourself with, by knowing that you HAVE learnt.
We need to find ways to forgive
ourselves and to understand ourselves. We did our best.
