Change
Change is a pretty broad subject so this section has
been split up into
three distinct areas.
Changing things about yourself.
Most people think that making changes is an easy thing to do. But it
isn't as easy as we first anticipate. If you've ever tried giving up any
addiction, you will appreciate that it takes a huge amount of will power
and dedication to do so.
Making changes to ourselves requires the same amount of will power,
self responsibility and dedication as beating an addiction.
Why?
Because so often the changes we wish to implement are things that we
have lived with for a long time, that they have become habit, and any
prolonged bad habit is an addiction.
Why would you want to make changes about who you are?
Well, most of the time it's because you are starting to realise that you
are not happy, or that you are feeling restricted, or that you have health
problems. Occasionally it'll be because someone has pointed something out
to us, which we didn't realise. Like a friend saying 'You are always so
.....' and it comes as a real shock to you, when you actually realise how
others perceive you.
When we don't like things about ourselves, we need to change. We either
need a physical change (of residence, job, lifestyle) or an
emotional/mental change (of attitude).
It takes apparently 3 weeks to replace an old habit with a new
one. Then a further 9 weeks for the new habit to become second nature.
So with that in mind, do know that for the first few weeks you will
have to keep 'pulling yourself back up'. The important thing is to
remember that if you stick with it, in 12 weeks time, you'll be a pro!
Ok, those time limits are not set in stone. You may be able to make the
changes within a few days, or it may take several years. But it will all
depend on your attitude, your level of commitment and on YOU being totally
honest with yourself.
Only make changes in yourself FOR YOU.
Never make changes about yourself to please other people unless you
feel totally comfortable and happy, and feel that these changes will
totally benefit you.
If you are not 100% sure that you want to change, then you will fail if
it is an emotional issue, if it is a physical issue and you are not 100%
sure, then you may come to regret following your head, instead of your
heart.
Changing other people.
Ok, we can't. We simply can not change other people. If you now know
that changing yourself takes that complete commitment and desire to
change, then you have to realise that for anyone else to change, it will
mean THEM making that commitment to themselves, for themselves.
You can point things out, advise and help others, but it is NOT
you who changes them.
You need to allow other people to live their life they way that they
want to. If you can not live with them in your life, the way that they
are. Then either YOU need to change something about yourself, or you need
to walk away or distance yourself.
This may sound like a stern tone, but You can not force anyone to act,
react or be like you. You are unique, and so is everyone else. YOU have
things to learn, and if you are insistent that someone else needs to
change, YOUR issue is actually a control issue.
You need to ask yourself why YOU need them to change.
The truth is YOU don't need anyone to change.
People come into our lives to reflect back us to our own issues. The
things we do and don't like about ourselves.
Your issue may be one of tolerance, acceptance, or control. It may be
that you need to learn to let go, to move forward or to change aspects of
yourself to fit where you need to fit.
Accepting changes in life
For the most part, this is an acceptance issue.
We all have to deal with changes in life, we get older, move home,
change jobs, lose our jobs, lose loved ones, we get sick, we get stuck...
How we adapt to change, how we react to change will determine how
smoothly that transition occurs.
If we resist change, we moan, we grumble, we find no good.
If we embrace change, we find hope, we can look forward.
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