Why we forget to ask for what we
want
In some relationships, it is easy to fall
into a routine where you believe your partner should know what you want.
It's subsequently easy to get angry or annoyed when our partner fails to
deliver, or fulfil your needs.
For some reason couples fall into patterns, and it's
then difficult to ask or suggest change.
It's easy to presume that our partners
needs stay the same every day, but they don't - and neither do ours.
With that in mind. It is important to
keep our partners informed as to what we need, either by explanation or
asking. If we don't, these unresolved issues can have devastating effects
in the long term.
From simple things, like asking for your
partner to call you, to let you know about events and outcomes as they
happen. Instead of getting frustrated with them later that they didn't
'think' of calling you themselves.
Or when your partner buys you a gift that you dislike, next time asking
them for something, or suggest some ideas.
Why we forget to ask
We forget to ask because we automatically
believe that our partners know what we need. But they don't, they are not
you - and your needs change over time.
It's a common line "My partner doesn't
understand me", but you have to ask yourself, 'Am I explaining myself?'
When you realise that communication is the key, and honest communication
at that, you can start to freely ask for what you need.
At the start of any relationship, most
partners equally do their very best to please the other. Over time, these
efforts can slip. Not only that, all those things you have done to please
your partner, you continue to do - without even knowing if their needs
have changed.
The problem is; at the start of a relationship we
define many patterns which will last and ingrain ON the relationship over
the years. Eventually as individuals your needs and wants change, meaning
you outgrow these patterns. Yet the original relationship patterns stay the same causing
resentments, ignorance and boredom etc. When these kind of emotions and
feelings arise, they cause arguments which start tearing the relationship
and communication apart.
But neither partner has stopped to think,
or talk about their current needs along the way.
So the irony is; that those things which we used
to define our relationship at the start are the very things which cause
the relationship to deteriorate later. This is because as individuals our
needs change, and we fail to integrate these changes into our
relationship.
Even asking for help and assistance can
be a problem for some couples. If the woman usually takes on the housework
seemingly willingly, then years later, when she explodes into a rant that
their partner is useless helping around the house, it can come as a
complete surprise.
Our partners are not going to know what
we want unless we ask.
Yet, we DO to forget to ask...
We seem to prefer to await the
offer, yet by return we enjoy doing things for other people - we like to
be asked.
Some people make the mistake of always doing things for other
people, and never anything for themselves. Some people are always doing
things for other people but fail to ask for help themselves.
Stop a while, and take a deep breath,
learning to ask for what you want isn't a final demand.
If you ask
expecting to get the 'right' answer (as in the answer you really want), you could be setting yourself up for a
fall. If you ask knowing that you may or may NOT get what you want, then
without the expectation, the pressure is off.
Reduce your frustrations
It's easy to reduce your frustrations by asking in
advance. Don't presume that your partner will 'think' on your behalf. It's
not always possible, and they don't always think for them.
It's not just frustrations which can be reduced by some
carefully worded proposals. They can reduce worry, stress, waiting and
anxiety.
Ask nicely!
Remember, keep your asking to 'Would you mind' instead of
'Can you'.
'Would' instead of 'Could' goes a long way.
Asking "Would you be able to do me a favour please?" or
"Would you be able to do...'this', please", Goes much further than "I need
you to do this" or "I need help/assistance".
When to ask
Ask, in circumstances where you find yourself getting
frustrated, angry or annoyed about anything you have to do.
Ask, in circumstances where you find yourself getting irritated or annoyed
over anything that your
partner does or doesn't do.
Also, ask in any circumstances where your usual ability to cope/keep on
top of things starts becoming a little strained.
They may not always be able to help, but remember they
ARE your partner and you should be able to at least talk to them honestly
about how you feel and what you want.
If the housework is getting to much, tell them - even if
they are unable to help directly, you might be able to work together on
hiring a cleaner or gardener.
If you are fed up of staying in all the time, stop waiting for your
partner to suggest going out. Ask them if they would like to go out with
you, or alternatively ask them if you can do something without them.
If you are feeling insecure, tell your partner, and ask for support.
It's ok to ask for what you want.
You may not always get it, but it can often save a lot of negativity and
resentment which could be the downfall of your relationship in years to
come.
Recommended Reading
Your Comments
INNER TRUTH: is about self
responsibility.
That is, we as individuals are
responsible for our OWN lives, and not the lives of others. Any advice or
information we provide you will be for you to choose to accept or reject and
the real inner work will be down to you.
Our aim is to assist YOU in taking responsibility for yourself, to help you
find your inner truth leading to peace and happiness.
If you require assistance or
advice; please note that we will endeavour to reply within 48 hours; however
in such instances as vacation and holiday periods, time zones and living this
may not always be possible. But we will reply so long as we have a valid email
address.
Read
Full Terms and Conditions of use.
Do as you feel is right,
and if it feels wrong don't do it!.
Please read
Terms and Conditions of Use
