Communication Problems
Clear communication and honesty is
essential in any good relationship. Failure to communicate, leads to all
manner of problems.
My partner doesn't listen to
me...
Try to express yourself in a calm and clear manner. Try not to make
demands, but instead explain how you feel about not being heard... "It
upsets me when this happens, I feel ignored, I feel like I don't matter, I
feel like my opinion isn't respected...'
Remember when you are tired or busy it is hard to
truly listen to what is being said to you; so be sure that you talk at a
time which is a 'good' time to talk.
Don't bombard them as soon as they walk in the
door, or last thing at night. If they are busy, wait or ask them to let
you know when they are done.
My partner doesn't talk to me..
Maybe they are finding it hard to express themselves. It depends on how
long this issue has been going on for, we get ourselves into ruts of life,
which actually leave no room for communication.
Try to remove yourself from the
usual household spots, go out for dinner or to the pub and start a
discussion. Leave them time to talk, ask questions without placing demands
on them. Ask them how they feel about something. Try not to barge in on
ground which you know will make them feel defensive, but take a placid
gentle approach, which will benefit the surroundings you are in.
Talking in a public place means
people can't storm off, and will act slightly more calmer. But do be
careful with the words you use. And if it feels like you are hitting a
brick wall, don't push any further. Simply say 'Ok, but this is how I
feel. Can we talk later'.
Letter writing
Writing down
your feelings truly does help you to find some clarity in situations.
A good step at approaching your
communication problems is to write down what you want to receive and what
you want to give. What your problem is, and why you feel it is a problem.
Then, without dishing out any blame
or demands, write a letter to your partner, either by hand or on the
computer. Do not email it to them, hand it to them and then give them room
to read it, go out, leave the house. Do not be there whilst they read it.
Explain to them why you feel the way that you do
and what you would like to happen, why it is important to you. Allow the
focus of the letter to be about you, and not about things you want from
them.
If all else fails
If you are still having problems
communicating with your partner, it may be worth visiting a trained
counsellor to help you, either alone or with your partner.
You are not alone, you are not the
first to have experienced this and you won't be the last either, but there
are many experienced people around who can help you get to the root of the
problems which you face.
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