How to be JUST friends with an
ex.
Is it possible to be just friends with an
ex-husband or ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?
Yes, completely.
However BOTH persons have to want it to be JUST friends and a period of
time involving some level of detachment needs to occur.
A detachment period means you both have
time to re-adjust the familiarity factor. This familiarity factor is why
so many ex's get back together then split up again later due to the
original reasons of the split.
This detachment period can be anything
from a few weeks to a few months, but when you do meet up and talk there
has to be some no-go areas in order for you both to avoid the familiarity
factor.
No-go areas include talking about
anything too emotional. They also include not talking about sex. Keep your
conversation friendly, but not inquisitive. Avoid asking about how they
are feeling, instead ask about wha they are doing. Avoid discussing
anything too emotional, if one person appears to be reminiscing or
becoming negatively emotional then try to change the subject.
If you find that you are reminiscing, and
missing your ex; even though you know you only want to be friends with
them, YOU still need some more detachment time before that can be
possible.
If you find that your ex is the one showing these signs, give them more
time to detach.
When the emotional detachment has taken
place, a new more relaxed friendship can be built upon those old memories
- without any guilt or desire to re-kindle.
How to be JUST friends with
someone you want to be MORE than friends with.
It's very difficult emotionally, but not
impossible to find. The fundamental key is that you have to let-go of any
notion of anything more than just friends.
Sometimes a period of detachment is
required. Not to shut them off completely, but to limit what you talk
about and the things that you do together. Keep social events and meetings
in public places. preferably with other people around and avoid those
one-on-one conversations. It's during those moments you are more likely to
feel the 'connection' and then get upset about it later.
Try talking about yourself more rather
than hanging on to their every word. The more you talk, the more relaxed
you will feel. Not only that you'll stop trying to read things into
everything they say and do.
Try not to ask too many questions about
what they are doing. It will hurt to hear they are doing things without
you, and you have to learn to spend less time thinking about them, and
more time thinking about what you want to do with your life.
Remember, it's not the friendship you
want to end, just the longing you have to be more than friends.
How to deal with your partners
opposite sex friends
It's common to become jealousy or
insecure when your partner has friends of the opposite sex (or same
sexuality preference).
Unless they are showing signs of straying
(Secrecy, Lateness, Withdrawn), then there is probably little to worry
about. Your partner chose to be with you and rather than being consumed by
jealousy or feeling insecure about every person that speaks to them, you
should fill you time thinking about ways to enjoy your relationship more,
spending more time together doing the things you both enjoy.
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