Relationship History
Some people find their partners past relationships as a threat.
Or, maybe your partner has had an affair and you are having trouble coming
to terms with it.
Whether this is concerned to sexual, material or emotional matters is the
only thing you need to examine.
Material Matters
So what if you still have something an ex-boyfriend gave me, that doesn't mean
you would rather be with them.
Of course if you resent an object
because of a history; then it's your issue. If someone else resents it -
it is their issue.
Why is it so important when you move in with someone to remove every trace
of their 'ex'?
Are you claiming your territory?
Are you saying 'MINE NOW'
or is it purely because you couldn't stand their taste and need to make
yourself feel at home?
Being in a relationship means
accepting and combining. If something is an issue to you, talk to your
partner, explain in a calm way why you find something an issue, and ask
them to explain how they feel about it.
Sexual Matters
Unless your current partner has been your only partner. Then you need to
ask yourself how you feel about YOUR own past sexual relationships.
Do you look back and wish you were with an old flame? or do you see it all
as experience?
Your partner is with YOU. No one else. And unless they are calling out
someone else name during the deed, you can be fairly sure that they are not
comparing you. They simply WANT to share themselves with you, as you do them.
Emotional Matters
To have these kind of fears and attachments to
someone's past, is only showing you that you feel you are not worthy, that you
have a fear of something and are actually failing to look at the NOW and the
future and are only stuck in the past.
You need to look at exactly WHAT ignites your feelings of resentment,
anger, hate, fear - and then look at WHY.
Emotionally, not being able to accept your partners past, can destroy a
relationship.
For you are constantly demanding (even in subtle ways) that they reassure
you, that they want you and no-one else.
Put the shoe on the other foot, imagine your ex, and imagine your current
partner digging over your past, resenting.. how would that make you feel?
Thoughts to remember
Remember, the past has made your partner who they are today.
Your partner is with YOU, not anyone else. they chose you, they don't want
their previous partners otherwise they would still be with them, and not you.
.
Why resent your partners past, do you feel this way about your own past, or do
you feel YOUR past is irrelevant now?
IF you feel your partner would rather be with someone else, shouldn't you look
at WHY you are afraid of losing your partner?
And if you DO really believe that they want to be with someone else, why are
you still with them? Don't you deserve better?
And if you feel you'll never reach an ex-'s standards, are you sure you even
want to? - if yes, then higher your own standards.
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