Does your current relationship make you
shrink or grow?
You should never have to shrink yourself
to fit into someone else's life (or lifestyle).
Be who you are.
Growth
A partnership which helps you grow, is a
partnership where you are supported and helped along. Where there is
little to no restriction or need to change who you are in order to be with
your partner.
A partner who can accept you for who you
are, and whom supports you generously, without compromising on their
needs, is a partner whom you can GROW with.
Shrinking yourself
When we shrink ourselves, we pull inwards
our self expression and our personal needs to fit in, or benefit our
partners.
Your partner doesn't like women wearing
jeans; so you stop wearing jeans.
Your partner doesn't like men with facial
hair; so you shave twice a day.
Consistent 'shrinking' of who you are
seriously can damage your own sense of self. It isn't just limited to
physical appearance, we hold in our emotions and our thoughts, hold back
on the things we enjoy to please our partners. Yet, they do not do the
same for us - or do they?
Restriction
At some point in our lives, most of us
have been in a relationship and have felt some kind of restriction.
Sometimes, we allow it as we feel that a compromise is required. So we do
so out of love.
When we are making constant compromises
due to fear of being alone; instead of out of love. There is a distinct
issue which needs to be addressed. Fear.
It works both ways as well.
- Do you allow your partner to be
themselves?
- Does your partner allow you to be
yourself?
A partner whom wants you to change, is a
partner whom seeks to turn you into their ideal person. If you wish to be
that ideal clone, please read no more!
Cloning
To agree to be told how to dress, how to
act, what to say, What to do, To be asked to make constant changes for
another persons benefit is in effect you allowing yourself to become that
perfect clone - or droid if you wish...
At first, you do these changes and things
in an effort to please your partner... and you think that these changes
are worthwhile and good. You believe you should change because you respect
your partner and their values.
But over time, you start feeling like
someone else. You start to loose your sense of self, you start to feel
angry and want to strike out, or you have rebellious thoughts, but are
afraid to take action for fear of your partners reaction.
Note the word FEAR.
Allowing yourself to grow.
If you have been compromising on your
wishes for some time, and feel the need for change, the first thing to do
is to talk to your partner.
You should try to address this, not in an
accusing 'You always make me,' tone; nor a demanding 'I want to do this
now, like it or lump it' tone.
Try to explain how you are feeling, focusing on your needs; and then
listen to their input. Small steps are sometimes the best way, rather than
dramatic overnight change.
For example; if you want short hair, but
your partner likes it long, try cutting a few inches at a time.. you get
the picture... I'm sure.
If you are afraid of your partners
reaction, you should consider whether or not your partner is helping you
to grow as a person or not.
We so often stay in limiting
relationships out of a fear of being alone, a fear of starting again or
even fears of losing our home, status etc... But fear is a prison of our
own making.
Allowing your partner to grow
If you feel you are restricting your
partners growth, the first thing I have to say is something that you may
not wish to hear!
Stop being so selfish!
Ok, so that was harsh. But; Your partner
is a person, not an extension of who you are. Your partner has their own
values, their own needs and their own ways to express who they are. They
need their own space, as well as time with you, and time with their
friends.
If you partner desires a certain look, or
a certain car, wants a particular holiday, a new job. Sure express your
concerns, but don't try to restrict them or resentment will grow.
Resentment can grow over weeks, months or even years. But it does always
remain.
We think we know what our partners want, without
even asking them. We presume and presumptions don't always work out. If
you are feeling restricted, maybe your partner is too.
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