You know that feeling, that one where you
really feel your partner isn't quite happy with everything in the world...
Something is wrong, and automatically -
almost instinctively we fear the worst.
Asking them what is wrong, often feels
like nagging. They force a smile and tell you that they are fine, but
STILL that feeling remains... Something isn't right.
Getting them to talk to you
We can't force our partners to talk to
us.
It is important to remember, that when they ARE willing to talk to you
about it (whatever it is) they will. If they decide NOT to talk to you
about it, it's your responsibility to try not to take it personally, they
may have their reasons.
- They may not want to upset you
- They may not want to burden you
- They may not want to talk until they
have some kind of solution
- They may not understand why they are
feeling out of sorts
It's not just men whom retreat into their
own little worlds when something isn't quite right.
Phrasing your inquiry's differently can
have a major supportive impact instead of a nagging pressurised impact.
Instead of asking;
"Why won't you tell me what's going on?"
Try
"I feel like something is wrong, I won't mention it again, but if you do
want to talk to me, I'm here"
Instead of asking;
"You never talk to me about what's on your mind"
Try
"It would mean a lot to me if you could tell me"
Instead of asking;
"What are you thinking"
Try keeping quiet and giving them a hug instead.
As things escalate, it's common to start
feeling angry that your partner doesn't appear to be telling you what is
on their minds.
Is it work, is it you, is it someone else?
Questions turn over in your mind, they breed worry, and anxiety in you.
When you just can't stop
asking...
If there is something seriously wrong
with your partners life, your constant questioning can simply add to the
pressure and ensure that they retreat further. It is essential that you
find a way to relax, yet show your support without becoming the
inquisitor.
But every day, you slip in a little
question, "Are you ok?"
Often we, as individuals, get down for no
obvious reason. And we don't always KNOW for sure what has triggered our
difficult moments, so go easy on your partner, give them some space and
time to get their own heads into gear.
Again, try to turn the questions into
support. Support can be shown in many non verbal ways, which your partner
may appreciate more.
- Offer to do a few of their chores
This gives them some time to themselves, when we are troubled by things
time alone can help so much. Don't do them without asking, as it may be
that a certain chore aids their relaxation. Try "Would you like me to do
that for you today, so you can rest awhile?"
- Pampering
Do something special, without going over the top. Booking a night out
may not be something which they have the energy to embrace fully, but
eating their favourite meal, watching a funny movie may just help. Run
them a hot bath, rub their shoulders.. little pampering treats to let
them know that you care and want to help even if they can't talk about
it yet.
- Alone time
Ask them if they would like some time alone, a few hours in the evening;
where you can either stay at home in, but in a different room or
organise a night out. A night out may well do you some good too!
- Laughter
We all need a little fun and laughter to brighten up our lives. Laughter
can often be the best medicine. Laughter can be stimulated by friends,
family, media, but it has to be appropriate. Jokes aren't always
received well if someone is stressed, but memories of good times that
have occurred in the past, are very good at bringing in some
light-heartedness.
Try not to worry to much
Worry about likely causes of your partners elusiveness
is only going to bring you down. If something life changing is going to
happen, it'll happen. There is little we can do about that.
Everything will come to light eventually, and if it
doesn't - it's likely to be nothing.
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INNER TRUTH: is about self
responsibility.
That is, we as individuals are
responsible for our OWN lives, and not the lives of others. Any advice or
information we provide you will be for you to choose to accept or reject and
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