Are they 'the one'?
How do you know if your partner is the one?
Most people would say, if you have to ask yourself
that question, then s/he isn't. But life isn't always as clear cut as
that. We often doubt due to external influences, friends, family and other
sources of pre-conditioning.
Examples of external influences:-
- He's no good for you
- She'd only after one thing
- She's too temperamental
- He's too aggressive
Examples of personal preference:-
- You want a partner whom is self-sufficient
- You want someone whom is trustworthy
- You want someone that makes you laugh
- You want someone whom accepts you for you.
Examples of pre-conditioning:-
- You want someone who has the same morals as you
- You want someone with a similar background
- You don't want to be with someone whom is
divorced
- You want someone with good prospects
The only influences you should truly take note of
are your personal preferences. Personal preferences are centered around
characteristics of a person, rather than the material and physical aspects
of a person.
Pre-conditioned ideas mean you will throughout your relationship try to
maintain standards. If your partner has a life changing event, their
future prospects may change. (Just because they work in the city now,
doesn't mean they won't quit and tour the world).
Knowing yourself...
It has been said that unless we have had a few
partners, boyfriends/girlfriends or liaisons that we can not truly know
what we want in a partner. That again is incorrect.
To truly know what we want in a partner, we must
first know ourselves. Until we fully know ourselves we can have a tendency
to pick the wrong partner.
When we first meet someone, in our innocence, we
warm to the aspects of our partner that enhance us, warm to the potentials
and warm to the ideas we have created in our heads. (Those ideas such as
buying a home together, getting married and starting a family). We
overlook the things which we don't warm too, but generally it is those
aspects that cause a relationship to fail over time.
Relationships fail, it's a fact. They fail for all
kinds of reasons, but generally they don't fail when things are working.
Relationships fail because something is wrong. Relationships fail because
people change.
In an ideal world...
Relationships also work for many different
reasons. But in an ideal world, you will simply KNOW that your
relationship is working. It won't need justification to anyone, it will
just be.
In an ideal world, you will notice areas
which need repairing in your relationship as they need repairing. If your
roof is leaking, the problem only gets worse if it is left unattended.
Quite often, things are left beyond repair.
In an ideal world, your partner should be
someone whom supports you and loves you for who you are. And likewise, you
should be willing to support them and love them for who they are.
In an ideal world, you and your partner
should have some shared interests and some individual interests, both
allowing time to share interests and allowing time to pursue your own
interests. There should also be acceptance and acknowledgement of those
interests. (Stating they are always playing golf is a disruptive influence
in a relationship).
In an ideal world, your relationship is
something which you both wish to nurture. You do this by allowing time
together, by talking about your feelings, acknowledging your feelings and
by complete willingness to adapt and work on your relationship as you go
along.
In an ideal world, you should not NEED your
partner to live your life, but should WANT them to share in your life and
want to share in theirs.
In an ideal world, you should be able to
share yourself completely with your partner, and be able to embrace all
that they are.
Aspects of love...
Understanding, Tolerance, Compassion, Trust, Love,
Honesty, Acceptance... these are all keywords which are never questioned
in a good relationship.
- Can you and your partner BOTH compromise?
- Can you and your partner BOTH accept each other
completely?
- Can you and your partner BOTH express
yourselves clearly to each other?
- Can you and your partner BOTH bring out the
best in the other?
- Can you and your partner BOTH give space when
it is needed without resentment?
- Can you be yourself around your partner?
If you want your relationship to work, remember it
is not a one sided situation. If it is you who is doing all the give and
take, then something is fundamentally wrong.
- Do you have shared interests?
- Do you have a similar sense of humour?
- Do you have a similar outlook on life?
- Do you trust each other?
- Do you enjoy each others company?
Are they the one?
Well, to get clinical write a list - an imaginary
list of every quality you want in your perfect partner.
For example; - a friend, a companion, someone to
depend on, someone who trusts you, someone who is trustworthy etc...
And go back and ask yourself, does your current
partner fit?
You DO deserve the perfect partner, and it is up to you to decide if your
current partner is perfect for you or not.
We stay in relationships which are not working for
many reasons. If you feel this is the case, do ask yourself if it is fair
on your partner to be treated that way, or is it more fair to give them
the opportunity to meet someone much better for them.
If you feel happy in your relationship, and if you
can see and feel that your partner is happy too - then, you should be sure
that they are the 'one'.
Do know that as you grow older, you will change
and so will your partner, so do be prepared to allow your relationship to
grow with you. If you can do this; you will always be with 'the one'.
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