Keeping your
thoughts and feelings to yourself.
Society expects us to
act in certain ways. To say and do the right things at the right times.
At times we may find ourselves keeping more in than we are comfortable
with. We want to speak, have our say, we want to be understood - yet
when push comes to shove we feel unable to do so.
Understanding why we
feel unable to speak out will help you to take appropriate actions and
calm your inner tension.
Understanding clearly why you feel unable to have your say, may just
help you to realise that having your say may just be the best thing to
do.
There are times when you
decide to keep things to yourself, in order to avoid confrontation or
argument. But if you are unable to find a calm within you over the issue
at hand, the issue will build up inside you, or get worse.
Some people find talking
a lot easier than others. If you are one of these people that can talk
about anything, you may find that you get frustrated when you are
attempting to communicate with a person to whom vocal self expression
doesn't come so naturally. If you are the one whom finds vocal
expression difficult then it is important that you find some simple
techniques that work for you, in order to help you say your piece.
If we don't communicate
how we feel, the issues or problems will internally escalate inside us
until things come to a head. Usually in a way that could have been
avoided if things had been addressed earlier.
Are you afraid/worried about speaking out?
If you are worried that
a confrontation or argument may arise from what you have to say, it is
important that you try your best not to allow your emotions to get the
better of you.
That is, ensure that you approach your 'discussion' or 'announcement' in
a calm clear manner. Be fully aware during your conversation of your
emotions and should you find yourself starting to get emotional (in
either way), pause and bring yourself back into balance.
Remember honesty based
on love, is always better than honesty based on gain. That is, if you
are finding it difficult to speak, or to say what needs to be said. Say
so. But don't say it in order to get sympathy, say it because it is
true!
If you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, explain why you are
finding it so hard, but also that you recognise it needs to be
addressed.
A few deep breaths, a
pause to gather your thoughts together, a reminder that if you stay in
balance that this process will be a whole lot easier.
Do you feel your opinions can not be voiced?
This comes down to repression.
Those times when we feel it is
inappropriate to say our piece, or even when we feel that saying our
piece won't help at all. That our opinions will fall on 'deaf ears'; Do
try to remember that your thoughts and feelings are entirely valid to
you. You also have the full right to express yourself.
Why are you keeping things in?
What would happen if you did voice your opinions?
Moral Courage is being able to know the difference
between what is right and what is wrong and being able to stand up for
what you know, or feel is right, in spite of what others may think.
Standing up for what you believe in, or saying your
piece should not cause physical harm or disturbance to others. If you
can speak from a point of clear self understanding then, the impact of
emotional disturbance can be greatly reduced.
Emotional turmoil or disturbance MAY be caused, but it
is the dilemma, do you allow yourself to suffer, or try to clear the
air?
Are you afraid of speaking the truth?
Honesty is the best policy. You don't
have to be rude to be honest. You don't have to be selfish to be honest.
Does truth liberate us, or bind us?
Does fear liberate us, or bind us?
Truth is, that it is fear which binds
us, and truth which ultimately liberates us. Sometimes the Truth causes
major change, change which we or others try to resist. Yet ultimately it
is always the truth which liberates and frees us.
So when you are afraid of speaking the
truth, you are facing living bound by the fear which holds you.
Do you have something to say, but not sure how to say it?
Give yourself time, try not to be irrational. Think
carefully about the best approach. The best approach for you may not be
the best way of handling other people. So do your best to try to
understand the other people that are involved.
Give yourself time, write things down, speak to
trusted unbias people if you can. But don't rush. Understand what you
want to say, what you want to achieve, what you need to do and what you
want to avoid.
Occasionally the best way to approach something is to
find out what other people are thinking. Asking a question as an opening
to a discussion is often a good way to start. "How are you feeling
about....", "What do you think about...",
Try to avoid asking "What would you think if I said...."
Questions help us all to open up. And if you are really having
difficulty saying something, start asking yourself questions...
A spiritual
perspective
When we keep things to ourselves, we
prevent others from experiencing emotions and situations which may be
fundamental for their growth.
When we stop ourselves from saying or
doing something, to protect someone else's feelings. All we are actually
doing is taking the responsibility off their shoulders to deal with that
particular area in their life.
At first glance, that may seem like the
right thing to do. But, consider for a moment - since when were you
appointed their judge or jury? When did they appoint you their emotional
bodyguard?
Not only should you take responsibility
for your own thoughts and actions, but you should also allow other
people to be responsible for themselves. If you are deciding what to say
to them and what not to say, then YOU are taking the emotional
responsibility away from them. We have to learn to handle our own
emotions, we have to learn integrity and compassion. We have to
understand that if we act from the heart, that we are being responsible
for ourselves. Thus if acting from the heart hurts someone emotionally,
then it is their issue, not yours, and it is their life, not yours, and
it is their responsibility and lesson to work through their own
emotional reactions.
We have to learn to be honest, and yet
learn to convey this honesty with
integrity and love. Subtle changes in the tone of your voice, your
choice of words can make a huge difference, actually being sorry, or
compassionate or understanding make bigger impressions than trying to
act sorry, or trying to act like you understand.
Chakra
Influences
Issues in relation to communication and
honesty are related to the
Throat Chakra, these
may manifest initially as mouth ulcers, sore throats, a feeling of
something restricting your throat or a lump in your throat.
Further Reading
at Inner Truth
